Monday, October 16, 2017

Motivation or Manipulation?

One of my favorite tools for helping folks understand themselves and the people in their lives is the DiSC Behavior Profile System.  It's a simple, yet fascinating, study into the motivations behind various expression of  human behavior.  I've lost count how many times I've taught these concepts.  But each time I do, something new is discovered or something previously known is brought into sharper focus.  The current evolution my imagination has been drawn to focuses on the differences in environmental needs.

Cliff note version:
Image from www.equanimityexecutive.com
Dominate "D" types thrive in challenging, competitive, and even antagonistic environments.
Influencing "i" types seek fun, friendly, people-filled ones.
Steady "S" folks are on the hunt for calm, conflict-free environments where they can roll up their sleeves and offer a helping hand. Conscientious "C" people are looking for non-confrontational environments that appreciate and satisfy their need for facts and honors their need for order.

There are, of course, secondary and tertiary combinations of these basic archetypes, but for simplicity's sake we'll stick with the fantastic four.

So, let's assume a person wakes up one morning and realizes they are not enjoying the environment staring them in the face.   The "D" might be bored to tears with the thought of one more minute of the same old routine or an "i" might feel suffocated by what feels like fun-draining hostility and rejection.  The proverbial light bulb might one day reach its glowing apex for the "S" when it finally registers that what they have to offer isn't really wanted or needed and might (horror or horrors) be contributing to a conflict rather than helping resolve it.  The final straw for a "C" might come from the sheer exhaustion that comes from trying to make sense of  the chaos or the pressure that comes from  people and situations that don't make sense or follow the rules.

Why do these things matter?  Because every person you come in contact with is unconsciously working to create their optimum environment, and there's a really good chance their optimum is diametrically opposed to yours.  And that's when the fireworks (or slow simmer depending on style) begin.

Here's the deal - if you love the people in your life, and truly want to see them succeed, it's imperative they have an environment in which to thrive.  And here's a kicker - love, by definition,  is not self-seeking.  Which means if I genuinely care about the needs of someone I claim to love, I will put effort into helping create environments that serve them and their needs.  (Told you it was a kicker)  When others have needs that are off your mind's grid, it takes deliberate intention to recognize, accommodate and not belittle them for needing something so foreign to your way of thinking.

If you are one who is energized and motivated by competition, challenge and antagonism your natural tendency, when wanting to motivate someone else, is to create an environment that is competitive, antagonistic and might throw in a competition or two.  NEWS FLASH If the person(s) in your life are not wired that same way your efforts will produce a completely opposite result than intended.  They are not just demotivated, there's a good chance they will be doing the exact opposite in their subconscious effort to protect themselves from the antagonistic onslaught.

Or maybe your's is a conflict-free, no-big-surprises environment of choice.  There's a good chance the fun/adventure seekers in your world, might find themselves bored to tears and battling a level of frustration foreign to you.  (My sincere apologies to my own adventure-seeking, fun-loving children for having learned this too late for them to have benefited from the knowledge.)

Admittedly, this proposition is difficult but not impossible.  As a person infused with the grace, power, and love of God, it is within your ability to make love for others your motive and impetus.  If I continue to insist the people in my life come over to my way of thinking or motivation - that isn't loving nor is it motivating.  It is control and manipulation.  And that, regardless of behavior style, isn't cool.

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