This morning a former constant-companion greeted my waking moments. It was a tearful reunion.
Several years ago we suffered an unexpected, abrupt separation rendering me confused and more than a little sad. We first became acquainted in 1988. She had so much to say, but no voice with which to speak or audience willing to listen. I became her audience occasionally putting pen to paper attempting to give voice to her words. This forged a mutually satisfying, collaborative partnership, which I assumed secured an unbreachable bond. I was mistaken. Something happened, I don’t know exactly what, but my heart had gone silent causing an acute, and I feared terminal, case of writer’s block.
I can’t speak for other writers, I don’t know their process, but this has been mine: listen to what my heart wants to say. The mind already knows what it thinks but the heart offers another perspective - neither are infallible, but when Mind and Heart work together it makes for a richer experience with a more satisfying outcome. Heart brings the emotional perspective. Heart is the place that has the ability to hear God, and conveys that communication in a way that Mind can understand. Sometimes that’s just a bit more than Mind wants to deal with but when something is too important to ignore Heart insists on taking the helm. Hence this morning’s wake-up call.
My dad is dying. He is, as I write this, confined to a bed in the Hospice unit at Fort Meade Veterans Hospital. A seizure last month has robbed him of what physical strength he had left. Talking and eating are now enormous energy expenditures. My mind hates everything about the situation. And this morning I was jarred awake with what my heart had to say.
H: “There’s one more lesson your dad wants to show you.”
M: Crap. I’m pretty satisfied with the lessons already learned.
H: “He is not.”
M: Crap. Don’t. Say. It.
H: “He is going to show you how to die.”
M: CRAP!
H: “What did he say with the look of sincerity he gave you yesterday?”
M: Love.
H: “And?”
M: Appreciation.
H: “And?”
M: Trust. Love, appreciation, and trust.
H: “Ok. What about love, appreciation and trust?”
M: Principles to die by are worth living by as well.
H: “Yep. We’ll talk again soon.”
Thank you Dad. Lesson received. I love you. Heaven is waiting to receive you. Give Mom and Grandma my love when you see them. We will be together soon.
