I do not think it means what you think it means

"I do not think it means what you think it means."

It started with a question.  It always starts with a question. Blame it on that insatiable appetite for Nancy Drew Mysteries I had growing up. Or maybe it's just 'cuz He knows His creation, and this particular one seems to enjoy finding answers to questions.

This morning's question:
"What does it mean to walk in the spirit?"
Rats.
That can only mean one thing.
What I think is the correct answer will, in fact, be wrong.  It also means I've been laboring under some delusion.

Whenever God poses a question a launch sequence for transformation is activated.

Let me explain.

My will (the part that wants to solve a mystery) is intrigued by the question and sends out a message to the rest of my being.

"Attention brain! We've been asked to find our answer to a God question! Locate all cells holding any information linked to our current definition of 'walking in the spirit' and bring that information front and center."

This is followed by an immediate convergence of memories, thoughts, ideas, cynical judgments, delightful speculations, embarrassing missteps,thought processes and conclusions reached that can have an emotional range of comprehension anywhere between my current age and any years previous.

Translation:  A memory from when I was 3 connected to a confusing experience has all the earmarks of a 3 year old's reasoning capabilities.  It might be standing right next to a 40 year old judgment made at a pivotal moment of emotional pain. There can be 100's or 1,000's or maybe only 1. Regardless of the number, all are present and ready to hear a deeper truth. Submit to a higher law, and embrace a light-producing revelation specific to the issue at hand.  In this morning's case, that issue was my understanding and beliefs concerning the phrase 'walking in the spirit'.

This muster of memories is usually followed by a reiteration of the original question. To which my response is usually a silent acknowledgment that I haven't an accurate, intelligent or legitimate answer. This awareness is coupled with a hope-filled expectation that Truth is about to be revealed and many things are going to be rectified.  Things that, for the most part, I have heretofore been unaware of.

Then, when He has my attention (which has taken all of a second or two), the Spirit of God speaks truth.  This morning it was a single word - although hyphenated - that set to right previously held misconceptions concerning this issue.

"Long-suffering."

And like alligator feeding time at the Reptile Gardens, all those disconnected sound-bites of information grab on to that one hyphenated word. And instantly the disjointed parts of the internal me begin to unite.

"What does that mean?' A young memory holder asks.

Knowledge responds excitedly with, "It's a fruit of the Spirit!"

"So....?"

"So, it's not something weird," offers pragmatism.

"Or, freaky?"

"Or out of my control?!"

"Exactly!"

"If long-suffering is walking in the spirit, then so is love and joy and peace!"

"Patience, gentleness, kindness, & self-control!"

That's when the Spirit of God interrupts the party going on in my head with another question...

"So what does that mean?"

There is a momentary silence while the previously disenfranchised recognize their new state of harmony.

"It means that walking in the spirit is a choice!"

God smiles.

I smile.

I do an internal face-palm, and smile again.

It's a choice.  Simple as that.  When I choose love, I'm walking in the spirit. When I choose peace, I'm walking in the spirit.  When I choose kindness, I'm walking in the spirit.

Then God asks another question. Does walking in the spirit make you a hypocrite?

Again, the momentary silence while there is a convergence in my mind.

"No!"

God smiles.

I smile. Then shake my head in that all-too-familiar sensation of surrendered ignorance.

He nods.

"No, because it's a choice.  I can choose to walk in selfishness or love, bitterness or peace, weakness or joy, frustration, annoyance, and irritation or long-suffering."

Do I feel rage, discouragement, fear, hate, and all manner of ugliness?   Yes. More often than I care to admit.  But walking in the spirit is simply making a choice that says in spite of how I might want to react I'm going to respond differently.

Suddenly the verse, "walk in the spirit and you won't fulfill the lusts of the flesh," is something I can wrap my mind around.  When my flesh wants to strike out in an unkind way, I can choose to be kind. Or patient.  Or gentle.  Or maybe just long-suffering.

Today I choose to walk in the spirit.  Tomorrow I might make a different choice.  I hope not.