Relationship Killers

Are you experiencing feelings of disappointment, discouragement, anger, jealousy, despondency or hopelessness?  If so, you might be suffering from the effects of broken expectations.  If left unchecked, this condition is lethal.  It will destroy relationships and leave all parties involved shaking their heads in shock and disbelief. 

How does this silent killer operate?  It finds a foothold in human needs and desires.  Needs are legitimate, and necessary for survival.  Desires are legitimate, and necessary for fulfillment.  Like the need to eat and breathe, every human has them.  Having need is not the problem.  Let me say that again.  Having need is not the problem!  The problem comes when we choose unhealthy and illegitimate ways to try to get those needs met.  If I’m hungry and in need of food I have several options available to legitimately meet that need.  Walking through a restaurant and grabbing food from other diner’s plates is not one of them.   

 Expectations are the unspoken demands put upon others in an effort to get my needs met.  Let’s say I have a need for love.  That’s legitimate.  Now let’s say my definition of love is that another human being is responsible to see to it that I am happy at all times, fulfilled, pampered  and have no desires left unnoticed or unmet.  In walks some poor, unsuspecting soul who says, “I love you”.  I hear those words and translate them through my definition of love.  This activates the unspoken expectations attached to that definition and they are unleashed into the relationship.

When those expectations are unmet, blame is laid on the one who failed to meet them.  “You didn’t”, “You never”, “You always”… and the poison begins to erode the fragile ties that hold people together. 

The treatment for this debilitating condition: an honest assessment that leads to releasing others from the unspoken expectations I have placed on them and on myself.  How does one go about this tricky task?  One way is to allow the Spirit of God to reveal  unhealthy tendencies and the tangible steps  to take that will help you find victory over the need to demand others bring fulfillment to your life.  It is called forgiveness, and it releases others from the demands you have made on who you have expected them to be in your life.  Forgiveness isn’t reserved only for sins.  It is the miracle pill for non-sin issues as well.