Who hasn’t, at some point, found themselves feeling left out
and wondering what happened? It’s a fascinating study-the dictates and nuance
that fuels social order. Some are
clearly defined and easy to recognize.
Athletic team sports, for instance. My 4’11”, non-athletic, female self
has never wasted a single second wondering why the boys’ basketball coach
didn’t invite me to try-out for the team.
Then there are those other social orders dictated by a
complicated set of intangible rules that elude our comprehension. Having found ourselves wishing for and being
denied a seat at these tables, can fuel all sorts of heart problems. We can find ourselves questioning our worth,
value, contribution, looks, abilities, upbringing, means, intelligence,
beliefs, dreams, hopes, and aspirations.
This exercise is an inescapable part of our human experience; but like
any other powerful implement, it can be as destructive as it is
beneficial.
When used to refine and define, this self-evaluation can
bring focus and clarity to a life.
However, if used to condemn and shame without truth and resolve, it is a
destructive power capable of fueling self-doubt, insecurity, hopelessness,
discouragement, bitterness, hate and judgment (against self and others).
Sadly, many folks have relegated themselves to the
scrap-pile after turning this power loose on themselves and others. The conclusions reached have led them to
believe the worst. Defense becomes the name
of the game. But humans are hard-wired for companionship and defensiveness does
not promote healthy compatibility.
Loneliness results, giving the illusion that false assumptions are true;
they become the reality through which life is lived. Right or wrong, true or
false.
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